I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
