We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
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We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
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That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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