If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
