96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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