You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
