Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(336): View more from North Carolina

He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.

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(512): View more from Texas

At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."

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(919): View more from North Carolina

When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?

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(330): View more from Ohio

Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone

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(561): View more from Florida

His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.

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(425): View more from Washington

Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?

(1-508): View more from Massachusetts

the boozy kind. is there any other?

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(516): View more from New York

shit i just threw up on a freshman

(1-516): View more from New York

i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..

(516): View more from New York

nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.

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