I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
