Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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