how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
