Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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