Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
