True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
