I'm sorry my penis didn't work
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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