He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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