So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
