I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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