i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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