i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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