david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
