He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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