I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
