The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
do nipples grow back?
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