You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
