and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Actions speak louder than pants.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
