when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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