I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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