Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
