If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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