everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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