got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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