one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
