"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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