Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
