Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
