my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Randomize
