there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
