She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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