Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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