White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
