Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
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it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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