My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
