I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
