IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
