I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
