i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ketchup is God's man juice
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
