So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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