I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
