Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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