you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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