i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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