rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
