she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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