So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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