I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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