it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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