Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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