this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
