I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
