I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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