??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
