I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So much Jack, so little girl.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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