The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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