we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
