About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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