so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
