this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
