I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
