I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
