can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
and you fell through a lawn chair
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
