Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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