put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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