So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
