I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
